We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
