Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
