I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
