is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we're making bets on your personal life
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize