no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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