The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
