How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
