either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize