I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So many bounce houses so little time
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This is the high leading the old right now
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
