Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
