ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
