You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
