i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
