ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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