Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
