Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
