Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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