No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
