There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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