Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
