I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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