i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
