I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
