the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
