everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
