I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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