you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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