Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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