Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
