last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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