i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
