just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
