apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
They have beer where we have blood.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize