Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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