she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
