Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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