so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Never joke about your clitoris.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
