dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I had to cum in my sink.
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