I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
