"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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