What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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