I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
