Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
