dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
