I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Come see our sink grown plant.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
