my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize