He had one of those small greek statue penises
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize