We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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