I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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