i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He has the fingertips of a God
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