I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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