So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
