Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
