My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
