we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
cat food counts as protein by the way
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
