Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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