I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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