I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
