He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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