Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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