Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
where are you?
Hypothermia
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
