How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
