Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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