I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
