I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
