so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
