my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
