Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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