I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
