Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just invented taco cereal.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
