I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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