I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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