Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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