he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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